What the Sound of My Walk Taught Me About Leadership and Emotional Intelligence

Years ago, someone I worked with told me they could tell my mood just by the sound of my step as I walked across the raised floor in the office.

Before I even said a word, they knew what kind of day it was going to be, and how I’d deal with people.

I had no idea.

Something as small as my walk was setting the tone for my team before I even opened my mouth.

But they noticed.

That conversation stuck with me because it highlighted something we often forget as leaders:

We don’t just communicate with words. We communicate with our presence, our body language, and our energy.

And often, we’re the last to realise it.

The Emotional Wake We Leave Behind

We all leave an emotional wake—the impact we have on those around us.

Some leaders bring a sense of calm and confidence into the room, making people feel safe, supported, and ready to do their best work.

Others, without meaning to, carry tension, impatience, or unpredictability. Their teams pick up on it, often without even realising why.

The challenge is that many leaders assume they are self-aware when, in reality, they are not.

A global study by organisational psychologist Dr. Tasha Eurich found that while 95% of people believe they are self-aware, only 10-15% actually are (Eurich, 2017).

That gap explains why so many leaders believe they are emotionally intelligent yet struggle to see how their presence and behaviours truly affect others.

And in today’s hybrid work environment, that challenge is even greater.

How Hybrid Working Has Changed Leadership Presence

Before remote work, leaders could rely on in-person presence to shape team culture.

They could sense the mood in the room, read body language, and adjust how they communicated in real time.

Now, with video calls, Slack messages, and emails replacing face-to-face interactions, the dynamics have shifted.

Leaders need to be more intentional about how they show up when body language, tone, and presence aren’t as visible.

What This Means for Leaders

1. Your Emotional Wake is No Longer Just Physical
In an office, people could gauge your mood as you walked in.

In a hybrid setting, your first message of the day, your response time, and even your punctuation choices set the emotional tone for your team.

• A short, blunt message can feel cold.

• A delayed response can create uncertainty.

• A lack of face time can erode trust.

Ask yourself: Does my communication reflect the tone I intend to set?

2. Active Listening is Harder But More Important Than Ever
With fewer in-person interactions, leaders need to be more intentional about listening.

In a video meeting, it’s easy to focus on what’s being said and miss what’s being unsaid—body language, hesitation, or a shift in energy.

Ask yourself: Am I fully present in virtual meetings, or am I distracted by emails and notifications?

3. Emotional Intelligence Must Extend to Digital Communication
Without tone of voice or facial expressions, digital messages can easily be misinterpreted.

A casual “Got it.” might seem neutral to you but feel dismissive to someone else.

Ask yourself: How might this email or message be perceived? Does it convey warmth and clarity?

The Emotional Intelligence Gap: Awareness vs. Application

We hear a lot about emotional intelligence (EQ) in leadership circles, but many leaders get stuck at awareness and never move to application.

• It’s one thing to know you’re stressed, it’s another to stop it from spilling over onto your team.

• It’s easy to say you listen, but do you hear what’s not being said?

• You might care about your people, but do they feel it in how you interact with them?

Daniel Goleman, who popularised emotional intelligence, puts it simply:

"IQ might get you the job, but EQ determines how well you lead."

Leaders with strong EQ:

• Make better decisions under pressure.

• Build stronger teams through trust and engagement.

• Gain more influence by managing emotions thoughtfully.

• Develop greater resilience, handling stress without passing it down the chain.

But if EQ is so important, why do so many leaders struggle with it?

Common EQ Blind Spots in Leadership

1. Overestimating Self-Awareness
Many leaders assume they know how they come across.

Ask yourself: How do I react under stress? Do my team and I see this the same way?

2. Listening Without Truly Hearing
Active listening isn’t just about staying silent while someone speaks.

It’s about reading between the lines, noticing body language, tone shifts, and unspoken concerns.

Ask yourself: Do I listen to understand, or just to respond?

3. Underestimating the Power of Presence
Leadership isn’t just about what you say, it’s about how you show up.

Ask yourself: What do I signal to my team before I even speak?

Moving From Awareness to Application

Emotional intelligence isn’t something you’re born with or without, it’s something you practice.

Here are three ways to develop it:

• Pause Before Reacting – Before responding in a difficult situation, take a breath, step back, and ask: What outcome do I want from this conversation?

• Ask for Feedback (And Be Ready to Hear It) – How do I handle stress? What’s one thing I could improve in how I interact with others?

• Recognise Your Emotional Triggers – The difference between good and great leaders is that great leaders know their triggers and manage them.

Final Thoughts: What This Means for Leaders Today

That simple comment about my footsteps all those years ago made me rethink how I showed up as a leader.

It was an insight I didn’t ask for, but one I needed.

It made me realise that leadership isn’t just about what we do, it’s about how we make people feel.

Let’s continue the conversation.

• Has anyone ever pointed out something about you that you weren’t even aware of?

• How did it change the way you lead?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.